You don’t know how afraid I am,
When I put a finger down my throat.
When I skip yet another meal.
When I press the cold razor against my skin.
When I press it down,
Harder and harder,
So it goes deeper and deeper,
And more and more blood comes out.
When I put on a flame.
And hold it to my skin,
When I shake with fear and out of sadness,
Try to muffle my sobs.
When my demons appear again to any time of the day.
When the thoughts of killing myself come back at any moment.
You don’t know how afraid I am.
And you don’t know in how much pain I am to get over that fear,
Because that seems to be the only way out,
Because the pain will always be bigger than the fear,
Which will make me do it over and over again,
Till there is nothing left of me!